He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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