Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize