No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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