Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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