How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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