I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize