I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
