someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
