She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
