Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize