I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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