i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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