***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
