I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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