I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
