She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
