I want to stick my p in your. b.
She is in my trunk
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
