Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
