Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
