I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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