I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
