i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
