i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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