Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
