and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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