I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
