3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
