Screwed.edu
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
