even my farts smell like vagina
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
