Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
