went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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