He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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