What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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