You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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