If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
