Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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