I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we should paint friendship bongs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize