Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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