she was so not down for the gang bang
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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