He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
