I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
