Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
