when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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