I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
