What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
