so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
