that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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