My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
