they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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