I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bring me that man meat
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
