Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
