Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
