Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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