I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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