I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Michael Bay diarrhea
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
