Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
