need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
