I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
