So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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