i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
