i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
