Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
