I could make wine with my vomit
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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