That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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