Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
