omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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