i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
